Can you help me edit a Grandparents rights letter?
I need feedback & help on this letter. I need to establish Grandparents rights. My attorney told me to write a letter to the father of the child first, and try this route first. Can you look over my letter and see if I missed something? Does it sound good? Is the grammar correct? Should I be asking for something else? I need general feedback. Please let me know. Thank you! I have to submit this to my lawyer.
______________________________________…
Dear Michael:
We are writing in good faith to request our own visitation schedule so that our relationship with our beloved Grandson, Christopher, can continue and be preserved. Being that Samantha’s custodial schedule is limited and resides in a different state than us with travel time of approximately eight hours by car, we would like Samantha to reserve her custodial time for herself and Christopher there in Central Pennsylvania.
As you know, Samantha and Christopher came to live with us here in Rhode Island in January of 2007 with your consent while you were overseas. From that time forward until September of 2009, we helped Samantha care for Christopher everyday and we grew close to him. We had a daily routine of going to Mass on Sundays, picking up Christopher from pre-school when Samantha worked late at Brown University, ate home made meals, walked Diego the dog, playing soccer in the backyard, read books together and shopped for clothes & shoes for Christopher. Christopher was also picking up the Portuguese language as a second language while living with us. Since September of 2009 we have seen our Grandson Christopher sparingly due to Samantha’s limited custodial schedule. Prior to this passed Memorial Day holiday weekend, Christopher hasn’t visited us since March 2010.
We love being Christopher’s “Avós” and our favorite part is being with him and watching him grow. We’d like the chance to keep doing this despite current circumstances by having Christopher visit us in Rhode Island when his school schedule permits. We would like to ask for the following school recess’ and holiday weekends for Christopher to visit us:
School Winter Recess
School Thanksgiving Recess
Spring Recess
Columbus Day Holiday Weekend
Labor Day Holiday Weekend
Martin Luther King Holiday Weekend
Presidents Day Holiday Weekend
Memorial Day Holiday Weekend
We would also like to ask to have Christopher for seven consecutive days of uninterrupted visitation during each month of June, July and August while Christopher is on Summer vacation from school.
Please keep in mind that by car, it is an eight hour drive. We would like to suggest meeting half way between Pennsylvania and Rhode Island in Suffern, New York to exchange Christopher so that he can visit with us. If this is not possible on your behalf, perhaps Samantha can provide transportation from Pennsylvania with advance notice given to her.
We genuinely care and love Christopher very much. This is why we are writing this letter to ask for our own visitation schedule. We would like to continue having contact with him and agree to be flexible with you to make this possible.
Sincerely,
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February 10th, 2012 at 6:22 pm
I think it is a lovely, well thought out letter. I would add a couple of things.
1/ that you are open to changes in the proposed schedule
2/ that you really want to work this out for the benefit of all without going through legal channels.
Later, consider having a legal agreement drawn up for signature showing agreement.
February 10th, 2012 at 6:47 pm
I think this was written beautifully. Just one small thing; change “playing soccer” to “played soccer” in the second paragraph. Also, rather than ask for all of those holidays, ask if you can make a compromise to have him for maybe about 4 of those holidays if possible because all of those would be a burden to bring him. Say that you are willing to work something out as long as your grandson visits at least a certain number of times. Besides that everything else is fine; being flexible is key in this letter.
February 10th, 2012 at 7:21 pm
go to an attorney
February 10th, 2012 at 7:22 pm
The letter doesn’t need any editing, but you may want to reconsider the amount of time you are asking for. You want three weeks in the summer, every school recess and five holiday weekends? And which school recesses and holiday weekends will the child spend with one of his parents???
If you want him to be reasonable, you have to be reasonable. Every school break and three weeks in the summer isn’t reasonable. Many grandparents of intact families don’t have this much access with their grand-children.
February 10th, 2012 at 7:47 pm
It is a very nice letter, and well thought out. Now the reality of the situation is obviously your daughter has limited visitation with her son for some unknown reason. That being said maybe you should ask for something a little less. I mean you are asking that his father basically takes care of the child during the school week, and you guys get all of the holidays. Understand no matter what your money hungry lawyer tells you the grandparents have no rights, he does not have to agree to anything under any circumstances
February 10th, 2012 at 7:52 pm
I think your suggested schedule is outrageous. I can see him turning you down flat. You want this kid for every long holiday weekend of the year except Christmas. Don’t you think the father might want him then? My suggestion is to change it to asking for 3 of any of those suggested times, one week in the summer and arrange to set up a computer with Skype so that you can talk weekly with your grandson. This kid lived with you for awhile. But he’s not your kid.
Also ‘passed Memorial Day ‘ should be “past Memorial Day”
February 10th, 2012 at 8:03 pm
The letter is nice, though I think your expectations may be a bit unrealistic. Certainly, desiring a few extended visits per year is nice. Considering the distance, frequent visits just aren’t going to be possible unless it is something that Michael wants to do. My advice would be to start small and try to build upon that. Maybe a brief fall visit (3 or so days), a brief winter visit (around but not on Christmas), a brief spring visit, and one longer visit in the summer (rather than three 1 week visits…a single 2 or 3 week visit might make more sense). The travel is an issue, so you might have to accept taking on more of the burden for making the trip. It might also be a good idea for you to plan to go there on some of those holidays. Sadly, if you want the relationship with Christopher, you are going to have to make most of the effort. There just isn’t as much incentive on Michael’s end, even if he knows it is good for Christopher to have a relationship with his grandparents. Make it easy for Michael and you might get more of what you want.
February 10th, 2012 at 8:13 pm
I dont know what kind of relationship you have with your son in law but I would take out some of the personal recollections and slight jabs towards him. He doesn’t need to know your past daily routine although it’s important for him to validate that you’ve obviously been instrumental in Christopher’s life. His Dad probably doesn’t need to be reminded about the last time you saw your grandson. Remember that Christopher has 2 parents and the time you’re asking for is more common for parents. He’s already splitting time between Mom and Dad so it’s a lot to be divided between 3 households. I love the way you laid out suggestions on exchanging him. Be open to him changing things and be patient. GOOD LUCK
February 10th, 2012 at 8:33 pm
This situation breaks my heart, but I have experience, so please let me talk to you honestly.My oldest son suffers from a mental illness and he had a baby with a young girl when they were 18 and 19.They did marry and live with us, but I advised her not to allow him unsupervised visitation after the birth. We actually had him leave our home after he was abusive to her and they were separated when the baby was born. I helped her get a divorce, etc. I also had to help get his parent rights terminated. The baby stayed with me and the mother went back to her mother. I had this baby from newborn to 3, but her mother came regularly. After my son’s parent rights were terminated, I decided that I needed to file for Grandparent rights to make sure that I always kept a relationship with this little girl. The mother did not understand and she thought that I was seeking custody which I was not, but it got very sticky. I lost the right to see her all together at that point and I did not see her for 104 days. This was like my own baby, I was devastated. We had an attorney and paid him a lot of money, but he was very honest with me and told me that there are no Grandparent rights in any state and it was totally up to the mother. This was in 1999, so I am not sure if the laws have changed. I went to her workplace and just pleaded with her. We had helped her in so many ways and we loved this baby completely. She was still convinced that we wanted to take her, so it was a no, but a few days later, her mother (not my granddaughter’s) passed away and we sent flowers. She was such a young woman and she was heartbroken so she came to me because I had been a mother to her before. She had to go to another city to do the funeral and she asked me if she could leave the child with us. When she got back, we had a heart to heart and my granddaughter had been so happy to be with us again. We worked it out and I have seen her regularly since then. She is now 15. Here is my advise, the letter that you wrote sounds like you do love the child and that comes across, but I think that you should drop the schedule all together, because it sounds like a demanding rights thing and I believe that the father will become angry about it. Remember, there might not be any laws that say that you get anything. I would change it to word that we would like very much to open a relationship with you and work out something that will satisfy all of us, keeping in mind that we understand your busy life. You want to do a little a- kissing here. Once you regain a relationship with the child, he will start asking about seeing you more often and most parents can’t deny the wants of a child wanting to see their Grandparents if they are good people. I will pray for you. I hope that it all works out well. Take it to God, honey. He knows your love and your heart and it should work out for the best. Remember, sugar, sugar, sugar, no vinegar. Good Luck, swetie from one Nana to another.